woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
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He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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