There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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