Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize