i was born a porn star she said
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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