I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
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Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
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I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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