I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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