I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize