Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
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Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
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I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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