I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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