Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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