She's JV to your varsity
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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