I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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