He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there were birth control emojis
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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