so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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