After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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