your parents love me but you hate me
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
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You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
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I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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