WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
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you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
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Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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