you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
two words: eviction party
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
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I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
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This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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