Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
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i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
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I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize