Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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