Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
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Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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