Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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