Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize