dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize