Your favorite bartender is back from prision
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
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There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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