I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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