Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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