The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
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We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
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I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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