FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
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I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
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He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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