Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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