I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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