just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
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I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
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It's shark week go big or go home
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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