I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize