Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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