All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize