Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
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Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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