It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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