dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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