proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize