If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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