one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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