What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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