he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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