you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize