The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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