He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we still banned from the library?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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