god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
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I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
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St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
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