Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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