I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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