Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize